matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
