My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
