Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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