What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
