Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
