I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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