my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
