SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
