i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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