Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Someone signed my nipple.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
