I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
