The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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