I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
