I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
