Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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