This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
