My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
