just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
