You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
