i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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