porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I look better un-naked...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
