My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
