you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
