she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Quick, to the slutcave!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Randomize
