the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
