So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
