she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i need some magic done to my vagina
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
