Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
