Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
