my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
