I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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