If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
