Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
