i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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