I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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