you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
