Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
