My room smells like vodka and shame
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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