i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
