I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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