hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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