I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
