last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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