buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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