It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
