using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the condom got lost in my hair
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Farmville is her only friend.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
