oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
