Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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