My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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