Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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